Must-read Fan Fics!

If you are a fan of Twilight, then you've probably heard of fan fiction (FF). I personally have many favorite FFs and I'm very excited to share them with you! Some of them you may have heard of (due to their greatness) but I hope some are new to you!


My first, and maybe favorite, FF of all time is Master of the Universe by the lurvly Snowqueens Icedragon, or E.L. James. Now this lady is so damn awesome at her writing skillz that she got her story published! A title change to Fifty Shades of Grey, and name changes from Edward and Isabella to Christian and Anastasia, and it's still the fantastic story that I fell in love with. Check out her website here and read the synopsis for her wonderful, sexy, and smart book. It's available for both e-reader and paperback. Please support this fellow twi-fan and buy her books. There are three of them, and again, they are AWESOME!!


My next rec is Beyond Time by TKegl, and can be found here, on fanfiction.net. This is the synopsis:


After the Cullens leave Forks, a twist of fate lands Bella in Chicago in 1918. She thinks it's her second chance... a chance to build a life with a human Edward. But when she finds him, he's not quite what she expected... and Bella has some hurdles to overcome to create the future she's hoping for.



I love this story!! It is so well-written and it's a clever direction to take the story. Please check it out!


My last rec for today is Unexpected Circumstances by Savage7289. This story can be found here, also at fanfiction.net. 


The summary for this story:
. 
Isabella is a handmaid to Princess Jessica, Daughter of King Aro. When a knight from a neighboring kingdom wins his choice of bride, Sir Edward bypasses the princess and claims the handmaid instead. Isabella suddenly finds herself married to a man she does not know, and is tossed into the middle of political plots and scheming nobles. Her life is further turned upside down when she is unable to give her husband the one thing he must have.


Loving Knightward! This story is not finished yet but is pretty far along. This is also well-written and I love this author's work. You will be seeing more recs from this author in the future! Another neat thing about this story is the actor Michael Sheen (Aro) actually read an excerpt of this story on an interview for VH1!





Hope you like my recommendations! Tell me what you think!


*DISCLAIMER* These stories are rated M, for mature 18+ audiences. Lemons ahead! 

Lez Be Honest...

Like Kelly the Great, there has been many times that a nice pair of boobies or some long legs in high heels have turned my head! My "Lez-List" has a few of the same girlies as Kelly the Great and some others that just make me say "Nom!"

I will have to agree with KtG and start out with....

Emma Stone

I also love someone who can make me laugh. And that creamy skin doesn't hurt either!

Scarlett Johansson

Some tig ol' bitties indeed! And am I the only one who would love to kiss those lips? Or lick them, or suck them, or...well, I'll just stop there.

My next lady would have to be...

Zooey Deschanel

Gawd, I love this girl! Funny, sexy as hello, and a damn good actress! Friggin' Nom!

Katy Perry

I kissed a girl and I liked it... Yes, please!

And last but not least...

Kristen Stewart

Oooh, Long Legs McGee... I agree with KtG, there will have to be some sort of bondage involved with her- a ball gag or something to keep her from talking. Maybe KtG and I can make a KStew sandwich! Nom Nom!

Don't Ruin This for Me, KStew

There are many things in life that give me a girl boner. Robert Pattinson? Sure. Black Dagger Brotherhood? Hells yeah. Hot women? Absolutely. Here's my variation of 'The List': girls that I would totally lez out for.

Emma Stone:

This girl is friggin' a-dork-able. LOVED her in House Bunny and Easy A. She's funny and sexy, with a body I'd kill for... Or kill to climb on top of, but whatever. 

Ellen Page:

Um, have you seen Juno or Whip It? 'Nuff said.

Kat Dennings:

This girl is snarky as all get out. And hilarious to boot. (In case you haven't noticed by now, I highly value one's ability to make me laugh. If you can do that, you're gold.) Plus, judging from her leaked nude pics, girl's got a very nice pair of tig ol' bitties.

Kristen Stewart:

Acting abilities aside, this girl has got an ass like whoa and legs for days. I'd love to be in the middle of a KStew and RPattz sandwich... Mmm, yummy. But, she wouldn't be allowed to talk or make any sounds during. I don't need her stuttering her way through an orgasm and ruining mine.

Edward Cullen Has a Sea Cucumber Down His Pants

Today I’d like to talk about a very important issue: Edward Cullen’s dick. I’ve spent many an hour thinking about The Precious and the delicious log of man meat he must have, stashed betwixt his thighs, when a thought occurred to me. One I didn’t particularly like. And if you stopped to think about it long enough, given the time period in which he turns, you’d probably come to the same conclusion I did… Or not, seeing as how I’ve probably spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about this, but whatevs.

    
I’ve come to the conclusion that Edward Cullen probably isn’t circumcised. I guess I could try and contact Stephenie Meyer to find out for sure, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that she won’t return my emails. But, given that circumcision wasn’t the norm (in America, at least) before the mid-20^th century, I’m guessing it’s a pretty safe bet he wasn’t.

    
Now I don’t know about you guys, but an uncircumcised penis reminds me of a sea cucumber.

Kinda like this, only without the bumps, which I can only assume are sea cucumber herpes.

    

I don't like to think of The Precious with a sea cucumber down his pants, but alas, that's most likely what you'd find. An ice cold, diamond hard, sparkly, white sea cucumber. In fact, that's probably what you'd find down all the Cullen men's pants... But probably not Jacob's.

   
Now if you looked down Robert Pattinson's pants, would you still find a sea cucumber? Most likely, yes. It's fairly uncommon for males in the U.K. to be circumcised, just like it's fairly uncommon for males in the U.S. to be uncircumcised. Back when I was whoring it up in my single days, I'd never come across foreskin. Not a one. (And for the record, I've never come across foreskin in my married days, either.)

  
However, I'm afraid I'll never get close enough to Rob's junk to test out my hypothesis (which is probably a good thing for him, 'cause I would wreck that shit), so we should just ask Kristen Stewart. She'd know... lucky bitch. 

Our First Post!

Welcome to our blog! We are Kelly the Great and Ally Oops, BFFs fo' life. We welcome you to share in our little slices of chaotic life. 
    
You might ask yourself, 'What can I expect from this blog?' or 'What is this blog about?' Well, to put it simply, it's about whatever the hell we want it to be. We love Twilight (and RPattz, natch), The Black Dagger Brotherhood (obviously we have a thing for vampires), and The Office (best TV show EVAR!!1!), so you can expect tons of posts about those things. 
   
Don't care for Twilight? Then GTFO, you're in the wrong place. 
    
Expect some recommendations from us about books, music, and TV shows/movies, as well as Twilight fan fiction recs (lemons, anyone?). Expect posts about random shit that pops into our brains. If I have an exceptionally shitty day, you can bet your sweet ass I'm gonna tell you about it, mmkay? 
    
*DISCLAIMER* If you haven't noticed by now, I have a dirty, whorish mouth, and I can make a sailor blush with my colorful and varied uses of the word 'fuck.' If bad language offends you, you're in the wrong place.


Now, a little about us. We met online about a year and a half ago, and I swear to God, she's my sister from another mister. We have so much in common, it's scary. Our uteruses (uteri?) are even in sync, 'cause we got pregnant at the same time, and it wasn't even on purpose. Ally Oops found out her eggo was preggo and I jokingly said to her, "Watch me find out I'm pregnant now." 


Yep, two weeks later I got that little pink plus sign. Our daughters were born exactly one month apart. Pretty crazy, huh?


So, yeah, that's pretty much us in a nutshell... Laters, baby!

KtG on the left, AO on the right.